Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
