That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize