We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
