yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
