Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
