Jerry, you need to find god
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We need a shit load of segways right now
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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