As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
