Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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