I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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