I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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