hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
