I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
