OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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