I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
