guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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