Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
