just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
