just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
