guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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