How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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