isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
