Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
