You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
