I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
