My liver just broke up with me...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
