please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I won the penis lottery.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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