and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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