so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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