It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
