you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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