Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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