I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
