You just made me feel so damn special
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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