end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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