is your mom at the bar?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize