K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
