there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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