Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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