I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
