one might say we're banned from that church
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
