i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
