I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
