Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Please don't give away my fajitas
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
