A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
