Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just google imaged poop.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
