Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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