I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
