You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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