True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
