So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I've blown a few things in my day
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
