fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I want her autograph on my taint
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
