Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Found the puke drawer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
