Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
