Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
