If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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