I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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