You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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