508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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