She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize