Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
