I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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