how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
