Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
