Porn is love you can see.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
