Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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