If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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