Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
