This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
