oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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