stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
