bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So much rum. So many feels.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize