So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
