I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
