Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have demons in me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
how drunk are you?
Several
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
