I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
