Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He better not be in your backpack
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize