I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
